Love is meant to be supportive. We expect our partners to provide strength and comfort to us. But what happens when love hurts? What if your partner betrays your love by hurting you through his words or actions? You may feel confused, angry, sad or even depressed. It can be hard to know what to do or who to talk to. Perhaps you’ve told yourself, “My situation is not that bad” or “I’m exaggerating the problem.” Maybe others have told you that your experiences are part of the normal ups and downs of a relationship. Maybe you think that the problem lies with you and you’re the one who needs to change. You may have tried many times to make changes within your relationship, but you continue to be hurt.
You are not alone. In this book, you will meet other women who have been betrayed and hurt by their partners. You will hear these women describe the pain and confusion of their relationships and their journeys to find answers. We hope that their stories will help you to feel connected with others. We also hope that this book will help you to make sense of your own relationship.

About this book:
We wrote this book to make the material we use in our support groups available to as many women as possible. Over the years, we have seen how information about abuse is of great benefit to the women that we meet. We have included women’s stories throughout this book for two purposes. The first is to help you, the reader, feel less alone. Many of the stories in this book will ring true for you. Up until now, you may have felt completely isolated in your situation. You are not. Second, we know that women learn from other women’s experiences – drawing strength and insight from each other. We hope that, in hearing other women’s stories, you will begin to hear your own story more clearly.
The exercises from our counseling program are also laid out in this book, and it is designed for you to write in. Recording your experiences can help you to clarify your thoughts. However, if you are still living with your partner, you may be concerned that he will find this book and use it against you. If this is a concern, you may decide not to include your personal thoughts. You may even want to hide the book entirely from your partner.

We encourage you to read this book at your own pace. Some women read this book quickly; feeling relieved to have finally found something that gives words to their experience. Other women read it slowly, wanting to absorb it bit by bit without being overwhelmed by the possible implications for their lives.

All of the stories in this book are true. Some of the stories are told of women; some of them are told by the women themselves. The names and identifying characteristics of all women have been changed to protect their privacy.

Why a second edition?
Since this book first came out, more than ten thousand copies have found their way into woman’s hands, and we have received a steady flow of enthusiastic appreciation from readers. At the same time, we know that many more women do not have enough information or support, and we wanted to make this book more widely available. We hope that this updated and expanded version will reach even more women, offering affirmation and hope.

Why the new chapter?
When we shared the first edition of this book with our focus groups, they told us that we needed a chapter about rebuilding and healing from abuse. That chapter was not in us at the time. At that point, we felt that each woman’s journey to safety and wholeness was profoundly unique, and we didn’t see the commonalities. Since that time, however, we have had the privilege of staying in touch with women for longer periods of time. Now that we have walked alongside women for years, common threads have emerged. The new chapter, like the rest of the book, is a reflection back to women of what we have learned from them.

Who is this book for?
First and foremost, this book is for women who have experienced abuse from their male partner. It addresses all forms of abuse including verbal, emotional, financial, sexual and physical. It was written to help make sense of a current or past relationship. As authors, our goal is to provide you with information and support so that you can make your own decisions and gain greater control over your situation. We are not suggesting you stay in your relationship, and we are not suggesting you leave. Our goal is to provide you with information and support so that you can make your own decisions and gain greater control over your situation. If you are being hurt by the person you love, the fact that you love him may no longer be enough. It takes tremendous courage to begin to ask deeper questions. We trust that this book will help you find answers as you search for a brighter future.
Since this book was first published, we have discovered it also has a wider audience. Professionals supporting women who have experienced abuse will find this book helpful. Reading this book will assist you to better understand the complex situation women find themselves in. We encourage doctors, lawyers, religious leaders and others to keep a copy of this book available for their own reference and to loan to those seeking advice or direction. As well, many counselors, advocates, and shelter workers find this book a great guide for both individual and group counseling.
Similarly, friends and family will find this a helpful book. When someone we love is being hurt in a relationship, there is a natural impulse to stop the hurt as quickly as possible. Friends and family may make the mistake of oversimplifying the situation and pushing the woman to either leave the relationship or to “fix” it. Unfortunately, there is nothing simple about all the conflicting emotions and practical challenges of living with an abusive man. What women need most are support people who appreciate how difficult their situation is and can hang in with them during the long run. This book can help you to be that kind of person.

Jill Cory and Karen McAndless-Davis, Vancouver, BC. 2008.