If you don’t know who Jackson Katz is, I invite you to check out his most recent book, The Macho Paradox, Why Some Men Hurt Women, and Why all Men can Help. He is also the co-creator of educational videos for college and high school students, including Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity (2000), Wrestling With Manhood (2002) and Spin the Bottle: Sex, Lies and Alcohol (2004).

Anyway, we sent him a copy and asked him to review it. His response was totally affirming of our work. And timely! We were able to include this quote by him on the back of the book:

“When Love Hurts is a great resource for any woman who is tired of taking the blame for a painful relationship. If you wonder why the man you love is hurting you — and what you can do about it — this book will give you all kinds of useful information and strategies for changing your life. Just as importantly, it makes it clear that you are not responsible for his abusive behavior. ”

Over the years, it has been important to both Karen and myself to connect with other professionals in the field of anti-violence counseling and education. Getting support and affirmation from like-minded individuals has made it easier to keep on keeping on.

To Jackson Katz, I want to once again say thank you.

Jill.

A big part of what kept Jill and I going as we worked to revise the book was our desire to have a high quality version that bookstores would carry. Our passion continues to be to get the book into as many women’s hands as possible. We wait eagerly to see what happens next. Karen.

For us as authors, our passion is about getting this book into the hands of women who could benefit from it. With Canadian Living’s broad readership we are confident even more women will become aware of what the book has to offer.

There is one important correction that needs to be made from what appears in the write up. The magazine mixed Jill and me up! I am the one with personal experience. If you have not already done so, you can read my story which is posted on our website.

Karen.

But the most amazing part was what happened the day after the show aired.
Our distributor was inundated with calls from all over the province and by
the end of the day 1,000 copies of the book had been shipped and Chapters
on-line began carrying it.

This experience confirmed what Jill and I already believed to be true. The
information in “When Love Hurts” resonates with women who are living with
abuse. A lot of the interview was focused on forms of abuse that are less
often identified by society (financial and sexual for example). As always
happens when this information is shared, women feel understood, sometimes
for the first time.

We are so thankful to CBC for helping us to reach out with this vital
information. It is exciting to think about women, who have been living in
confusion and feeling it was their fault, to finally get the support and
affirmation they deserve.

Karen.

When we wrote the 1st edition, we didn’t have a lot of experiencing understanding how women grieved and healed from abuse. Over the past 8 years, we have had the privilege of walking alongside women who have left their abusive partner, or witnessed their partners’ changes. We needed to write about this experience so other women could learn from this. So, we now have a chapter entitled “How do I heal from the abuse?”

It has been a truly amazing journey over the past 8 years since Karen and I embarked on co-authoring “When Love Hurts”. In our experience, women work hard to find support and understanding but too often receive misinformation. Sometimes women are told by well-intentioned professionals that it is their fault, echoing the accusations of their abusive partner. Without understanding the painful, confusing and dangerous dynamics of abuse, women are instructed to change: be more assertive, be less assertive, be more independent, stop being co-dependent, quit work and focus on the family, go back to work and gain independence, stop dressing like that, start caring for yourself, work on communicating more effectively, accept her partner as his is, and the list goes on. We’re sure you have stories about bad advice; explanations why your partner is abusive or how it’s your fault.

We hope that this blog and this website will be a place for you to come for helpful information. It is our goal to post ideas that will ring true to your experience. Keep coming back as we will try to post new thoughts on a regular basis.

If you’d like to share your experiences or if you have any questions, please leave a comment below or email us directly at info (at) whenlovehurts.ca!

Jill.