We’ve had some super nice compliments on the photo that Sarah Johnson took of us. We hired Sarah to take photos of us and this is the picture we chose to put on the back page of our book. Thank you Sarah!Jill Cory and Karen McAndless-Davis

Since I wrote about Jackson Katz, I have been thinking about another campaign that is run by men and focuses on what men can do to end violence against women.

The White Ribbon Campaign has grown dramatically since it’s inception and now claims to be the largest movement of men, in the world, working to end violence against women. I’m pretty sure this organization started in Canada! Now they’re in over fifty-five countries. The campaigns and events are led by both men and women, but the focus is on educating men and boys.

If you’ve ever seen someone wearing a white ribbon, it is a kind of personal commitment. This personal aspect is rather cool. It is actually a promise made by a man to “never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls”.

Our book has been a critical, even life-saving, tool for women in abusive relationships with men. Those two words make a lot of difference. And the White Ribbon Campaign sees that difference and is working to make that difference more visible to everyone.

And, I just discovered, they have a blog! Of course they do.

- Jill

One of many exciting moments for us in publishing this second edition was approaching Jackson Katz.

If you don’t know who Jackson Katz is, I invite you to check out his most recent book, The Macho Paradox, Why Some Men Hurt Women, and Why all Men can Help. He is also the co-creator of educational videos for college and high school students, including Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity (2000), Wrestling With Manhood (2002) and Spin the Bottle: Sex, Lies and Alcohol (2004).

Anyway, we sent him a copy and asked him to review it. His response was totally affirming of our work. And timely! We were able to include this quote by him on the back of the book:

“When Love Hurts is a great resource for any woman who is tired of taking the blame for a painful relationship. If you wonder why the man you love is hurting you — and what you can do about it — this book will give you all kinds of useful information and strategies for changing your life. Just as importantly, it makes it clear that you are not responsible for his abusive behavior. ”

Over the years, it has been important to both Karen and myself to connect with other professionals in the field of anti-violence counseling and education. Getting support and affirmation from like-minded individuals has made it easier to keep on keeping on.

To Jackson Katz, I want to once again say thank you.

Jill.

Well, Karen and I have just published the 2nd edition of our book When Love Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships. With over 11,000 copies sold and a wonderful response from women, transition houses, women’s shelters and women’s support and advocacy workers, we felt it was time to update the book and add a new chapter. We have learned so much from women over the years about the painful process of coming to terms with the realities of living in an abusive relationship.

When we wrote the 1st edition, we didn’t have a lot of experiencing understanding how women grieved and healed from abuse. Over the past 8 years, we have had the privilege of walking alongside women who have left their abusive partner, or witnessed their partners’ changes. We needed to write about this experience so other women could learn from this. So, we now have a chapter entitled “How do I heal from the abuse?”

It has been a truly amazing journey over the past 8 years since Karen and I embarked on co-authoring “When Love Hurts”. In our experience, women work hard to find support and understanding but too often receive misinformation. Sometimes women are told by well-intentioned professionals that it is their fault, echoing the accusations of their abusive partner. Without understanding the painful, confusing and dangerous dynamics of abuse, women are instructed to change: be more assertive, be less assertive, be more independent, stop being co-dependent, quit work and focus on the family, go back to work and gain independence, stop dressing like that, start caring for yourself, work on communicating more effectively, accept her partner as his is, and the list goes on. We’re sure you have stories about bad advice; explanations why your partner is abusive or how it’s your fault.

We hope that this blog and this website will be a place for you to come for helpful information. It is our goal to post ideas that will ring true to your experience. Keep coming back as we will try to post new thoughts on a regular basis.

If you’d like to share your experiences or if you have any questions, please leave a comment below or email us directly at info (at) whenlovehurts.ca!

Jill.