Walt had his 65th birthday party on Friday and raised over $1,000 to buy copies of the book. These books will be placed in libraries, prisons, and Women’s  Resource Centres; all in a effort to get the book into more women’s hands. Walt, thank you for making “When Love Hurts” part of your birthday celebration! Karen.

A wonderful woman name Darla recently celebrated her birthday. Instead of people bringing gifts to her party, she invited people to buy copies of When Love Hurts so they could be placed in libraries in the Greater Vancouver Area.  Enough money was raised to buy 70 books! Her motivation was simple: she wants as many women as possible to have access to the book that has been so helpful to her. Way to go Darla!

Sometimes as I interact with other professionals they suggest that a given woman, dealing with abuse, is “in denial” about her situation. Such a comment makes me angry. I realize that some women do not always dwell on the full gravity of their situation because it is just too overwhelming. They deal with as much as they can at any given time. But I see women working hard to bring about change, protect their children, consider their options, etc. — all in an effort to “make things better”. I don’t see that as denial.

I do, however, think that we live in a society that is in deep denial about the pervasiveness and horror of abuse that grips so many women’s lives.

In Canada, a federal politician, Ujjal Dosanjh, after the death of several women at the hands of their partners, told women that all they had to do is come forward and report the abuse and they would be cared for. This shows a profoundly hurtful level of ignorance of the challenges faced by women when they try to leave their abusive partners.

As a society, too often we are not there for women. Too often police do not take women’s concerns seriously. Women leaving from middle class backgrounds, with no financial resources, are denied any help because, on paper, they have assets, even though they can not access them. And perhaps worst of all, we refuse to protect children after a separation insisting that the mother and father share joint custody even though the mother knows that the father is abusive to the children.

So, in my estimation, there is a lot of denial going on but it is not the women who are in denial.

Karen.

I recently saw the movie “The Secret Life of Bees”. This is a great movie about strong women who support and encourage each other through tough times. The main character, Lily, flees her abusive father, searching for safety and answers to her questions.

The movie does a good job of portraying domestic violence. Lily’s mother is portrayed as a beautiful and bright woman who is attracted to Lily’s father for all the right reasons. But, as is true to life, Lily’s father hides his abusiveness until Lily’s mother is pregnant and can no longer just walk away. The abuse escalates and lives are destroyed.

Despite the heavy nature of the topics explored in the movie, “The Secret Life of Bees” is a very uplifting and encouraging story. I saw it with my parents, and my son. After the movie, we couldn’t stop talking about it. My son is 13 and my folks are in their 70′s. We had all been drawn in by this great story of amazing women. I’d highly recommend the movie to anyone. I think I just recommended it to you!

Interview with Murphy Browne on Word of Mouth at CKLN FM in Toronto.

Since I wrote about Jackson Katz, I have been thinking about another campaign that is run by men and focuses on what men can do to end violence against women.

The White Ribbon Campaign has grown dramatically since it’s inception and now claims to be the largest movement of men, in the world, working to end violence against women. I’m pretty sure this organization started in Canada! Now they’re in over fifty-five countries. The campaigns and events are led by both men and women, but the focus is on educating men and boys.

If you’ve ever seen someone wearing a white ribbon, it is a kind of personal commitment. This personal aspect is rather cool. It is actually a promise made by a man to “never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls”.

Our book has been a critical, even life-saving, tool for women in abusive relationships with men. Those two words make a lot of difference. And the White Ribbon Campaign sees that difference and is working to make that difference more visible to everyone.

And, I just discovered, they have a blog! Of course they do.

- Jill

One of many exciting moments for us in publishing this second edition was approaching Jackson Katz.

If you don’t know who Jackson Katz is, I invite you to check out his most recent book, The Macho Paradox, Why Some Men Hurt Women, and Why all Men can Help. He is also the co-creator of educational videos for college and high school students, including Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity (2000), Wrestling With Manhood (2002) and Spin the Bottle: Sex, Lies and Alcohol (2004).

Anyway, we sent him a copy and asked him to review it. His response was totally affirming of our work. And timely! We were able to include this quote by him on the back of the book:

“When Love Hurts is a great resource for any woman who is tired of taking the blame for a painful relationship. If you wonder why the man you love is hurting you — and what you can do about it — this book will give you all kinds of useful information and strategies for changing your life. Just as importantly, it makes it clear that you are not responsible for his abusive behavior. ”

Over the years, it has been important to both Karen and myself to connect with other professionals in the field of anti-violence counseling and education. Getting support and affirmation from like-minded individuals has made it easier to keep on keeping on.

To Jackson Katz, I want to once again say thank you.

Jill.

This past week was the end of another amazing support group here in the Vancouver area. At the close of the evening, women shared what the 10 weeks had meant to them. They talked about the power of being listened to, respected and affirmed. They spoke of how wonderful it was to be in a room with others who had “been there”. For many women, this group had become an important “lifeline” through a very challenging time in their life.

I was reminded again of the amazing power of support groups. If you are reading this blog and are in an abusive relationship, I hope you can find a support group. (Your local transition house or shelter may know of one.) You are in a very challenging time in your life and you deserve all the support you can get.

Karen.

We are thrilled that our book is available in bookstores from coast to coast. I was overwhelmed the other day when our distributor listed off the loooong list of independent bookstores that have chosen to carry our book (not to mention the large chain stores).

A big part of what kept Jill and I going as we worked to revise the book was our desire to have a high quality version that bookstores would carry. Our passion continues to be to get the book into as many women’s hands as possible. We wait eagerly to see what happens next. Karen.