Comments on: What is “fair” when it comes to custody of the kids?

By: Karen

Karen — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 19:32:38 +0000

My heart goes out to you! We hear about this dynamic all the time. I would love to see you get more support for yourself – you SO deserve it. Is there a support group near you? Also, I will say to you and anyone else reading this, I do one-on-one counselling on the phone with women from all over North America. I do it based on the approach that Jill and I share in the book “When Love Hurts”. I charge $40 an hour for this. You can reach me by email to set this up at km-d@telus.net. (I know sadly that this is not financial feasible for many women.) Karen McAndless-Davis

By: Debbie Abma

Debbie Abma — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 22:26:56 +0000

Thank you for the information that you post on your website. If justice were always the way in which the courts rule I think that situations would be so much better for families and the children who get hurt and are used as pawns and devistated in the face of abuse. The young ones truly are the victims and when they get ripped apart from the ones who have been their primary care givers the heartache can just be almost too much to recover from. I want to thank you for your book…I have had the honor and the privilage to give it to other woman like myself who had to flee for their safety and have lost almost everything… in many cases the ultimate sacrifices have been made their children. I currently am going through the group again with Elsie Goerzen and feel honored to sit in a room with some of the bravest people I have ever encountered…women who have fought the good fight when it comes to domestic abuse.

By: Mia

Mia — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 12:08:07 +0000

What if my husband not only feels that he should see my children more (he sees them on Saturdays since we recently separated), but that he also wants to co-parent, that is, know about what is happening in their lives and wants regular contact with me to discuss what is going on with them? He feels that because he has left the home, he is at a disadvantage. But my older 3 children (19, 16 and 14) don’t want to see him, and now the 7 year old is also dreading the visits because it is boring, he has to walk a lot, and Dad is “sad all the time”. So that only leaves the 3 year old. If it goes to court, he is likely to be granted only supervised visits because of confirmed child abuse, but that arrangement would rile him I know, because he has made threats to me before about not allowing him to see the kids, or humiliating him with supervised visits. Whatever it is, I hate enraging him (not that he would express it overtly now that he is on a good behaviour bond) but wonder about his state of mind with the kids. Yet, even pastors and friends can’t see why a father who “loves his kids dearly” should be given limited contact, so I feel torn.

By: Sarah Godoy

Sarah Godoy — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 07:24:45 +0000

I agree. It would nice to be nice to see some trends that support children and mothering for a change. I am sure that many women stay in abusive relationships, in cases where the abuse is “tolerable” (“it’s not that bad”) because she is worried about the impact of separation on children knowing that her child will likely end up having to go back and forth between parents, especially knowing that when the children are with their father she won’t be around to support them. It’s not fair for children to be forced to go back and forth – that makes them essentially homeless. Two half homes does not make a whole. There are ways to determine or prove who the primare caregiver is and that really should be considered as sacrosanct after separation. Children should be allowed to live in one stable place.