I still love
I dont want to be alone
I still have hopes for the future
Im worried about managing as a single parent

I am Susan, I got married two and a half years ago.
I was aolne for 15 years and raised my daughter and sent her to university. Then I met this very charming man. After a year we married though I saw things that were wrong. Drinking in private, easily angry for really minor things, but always with me, ever charming towards everybody that was not so close.
When we married I could do nothing right. he knew how to do everyting better. And every day I was told so. Then I saw the drinking was every night and very heavy but only inside the home. Then last year it escalated to physical because I had said I wanted a home (a place where I had something to say and where I felt safe)
he says he does not understand me when I talk like that. I do not know how to communicate, he even says I am mentally ill, so I went to see a docto who told me I am suffering from anxiety and tha my husband is ill. That he can be nice to his family and neighbous but to me who lives with him he needs total control.
I have gotten very weak and I know I have to leave, but at this moment I am trying to deal with a lot of losses because of this relationship and I do not know where to start, so low I am feeling.
And I try to tell him how lonely I am but this just makes him angrier, so I have to do the leaving on my own.
i just do not know where to get the strength.

All of the above except for the threats. So. Now what? Everyone says I should Leave but I do love him and I see beneath his anger. Strange though that I keep believing this time it won’t happen again or it’s not really that bad. It’s mostly emotional stuff like leaving and not coming home for hours and refusing to answer phone calls or texts. Is that considered abuse? When I try and tell him how I feel and he’s allowed to talk but when I talk he says conversation is over. If I try and continue to talk he leaves and doesn’t come home for hours, many times at 2am after the bars close. Is that abuse?

Wow I can think of many more reasons not to quit. For me the main reasons are

I have no money and no way to support myself and my kids.
I have no friends and no one to help me

I’ve only just started dealing with my abusive situation of 20 years, but there seems to be so many things that are not addressed. In my case I’ve had to deal with my husband not allowing me to have transport, finances, telephone, computer, and constant threats that he’ll have me arrested, and he says he’ll make sure I never see my children again if I step out of line. I am now almost 50 and to get out now and work would be impossible.

Is there any support group near you you could connect with? It can be a a good first step. Karen

Yes, that is abuse. We hear that a lot. Is there a support group near you? That is a good first step. Karen.

Thank you for sharing superb informations. Your website is very cool. I am impressed by the details that you’ve on this site. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found simply the information I already searched everywhere and just couldn’t come across. What a great web-site.

I am so sad. My high school sweetheart and I reunited and married 6 months into our relationship. Not knowing he had left a girlfriend and a 2 year old waiting for his return. He manipulated me, her and his family. His family had not attended our marriage. He loved to drink but it got worse when I would confront him about several issues, rumors, etc. When I was pregnant and then miscarried, he seemed not to care. He claimed he had an abusive childhood and tried to numb his pain by drinking. He also misspent my money. To say at least 60,000.00 When I would confront him, he would get angry and would threaten to leave I didnt want to be alone. I was single for 12 years with 2 children from a previous marriage and i didnt want a repeat. I did anything he wanted. So much that I am on the verge of bankruptcy I suffered 3 miscarriages and God granted us a child, a daughter, I knew he was mad because she was not a male child. He was mad that i knew the sex of the baby. He drank heavily and started to get violent with me. On sept 9 of this year I told him to leave. This was after he came out of rehab twice this year and after 3 failed suicide attempts. Of course I was there for him every time. I COULDNT stand the abuse anymore and he did but now I feel guilty for kicking him out of the house. He is with his parents and cliams he is doing better. i know he is abusing the 12 step program I have called him out on it and now he is refusing to talk to me. what can i do to convincehim? I know he never loved me but what can I do to make himbetter

Hi Wendy,
This is all SO painful. It sounds like your partner is not only an alcoholic but also abusive. If you email me directly, I can think with you about where you might get the support you deserve. It is a very good thing you got him out of the house. You need to think about you and your kids. If you possibly can, keep him out of the house for now and give you and your kids a break from all the crazy making behaviour. Karen – km-d@telus.net